


Meet Me Halfway

by crygiankie_trash



Series: Fields of Gold [3]
Category: Canada's Drag Race RPF, RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: F/F, IM JUST REALLY FUCKING PROUD OF THIS PIECE OKAY, Recreational Drug Use, crygi also make a background appearance, jan is only mentioned in flashbacks and doesn't make an actual appearance, lesbians in love, remember this is based in the 60’s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:41:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29197011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crygiankie_trash/pseuds/crygiankie_trash
Summary: "It's Time To Heal and Decide" // To get her happy ending, Jackie has to get over Jan // The Third Installment to Fields of Gold.
Relationships: Jackie Cox/Lemon (Drag Race)
Series: Fields of Gold [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2133720
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	Meet Me Halfway

**Author's Note:**

  * For [artificialpippin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialpippin/gifts), [crygimethoode](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crygimethoode/gifts).



> Okay, so Fields of Gold literally started as an angsty wine drunk one shot that is literally becoming it's own universe. I know Jackie and Lemon isn't the most usual pairing but for some reason they made sense. So I hope you guys like it. Also the biggest shoutout to artificialpippin and crygimethoode for encouraging my dumb ideas, fleshing out the story and plot holes with me and just being generally amazing. 
> 
> The song that matches this is "Meet Me Halfway" by Isold and Helga. If you haven't heard. I 100% recommend going and listening. Or just listening to it when reading this for your sensory experience.

_**Lights are fading in and out** _

_**Nothing left to talk about** _

_**It's time to heal and decide** _

  
“I’m not Jan, when will you realise that? I’m not Jan and I’m not fucking going anywhere” Lemon’s words rage through the apartment bouncing off the walls and piercing Jackie in the depths of her soul, the sun is setting on Hells Kitchen and Lemon’s pale hair catches every last ray, flowing down her back in a sea of liquid gold; the baby hairs against her temple sticking up from the static of the pillowcase she’d been resting on moments earlier. Her voice gets softer, earnest in tone, matched with wide eyes and red lips. “I’m not her Jacks, when will you realise that? You’re not a teenager in the fucking barley fields in a town in the middle of Buttfuck, Nowhere. You’re a strong independent woman who lives in the best city in the world with a woman who loves you. And you’re _still_ comparing me to her. And that’s not fair on me, or you”.

Lemon pauses for breath, raising a hand as Jackie tries to speak, her volume gaining in momentum the longer she goes on “So you need to make up your mind. If you want to keep living in the past with a woman that’s probably got a vag like a wizards sleeve because she’s pushed out a few kids and who won’t ever be mentally strong enough to match you, or if you want to take control of your future and move on from her. Because honestly Jackie? I love you, and I don’t want to go anywhere. But I’m not about to play second fiddle to a memory. I don’t deserve that. And neither do you. Jan made her choice and has to live with it. It’s time for you to make yours” Lemon’s voice quiets down as she slips out of the bed, all angular pale limbs, sinewy legs hitting the floor as she slips her trousers on, the loose kaftan style top following. “I’ll be at mine. You know where to find me” Her lips brush at Jackie’s leaving a red smear across them before exiting quietly, the door clicking shut behind her, the silence that she leaves in her wake deafening.

  
  


_**Been trying hard to find the words** _

_**To tell you just how much it hurts** _

_**To be without you here tonight** _

The bed feels empty without her, Jackie rolls over on scratchy sheets, reaching out automatically, her hand coming up empty before pressing her face into a pillow, the soft smell of citrus filling her nostrils. _“I’m not Jan”_ the words play through her head on a loop as she reminisces on Jan, on afternoons in the barley fields, of a lifetime of secret touches and stolen moments before the memories are fresher, newer, where Jan’s bright brown eyes fade into Lemon’s blue-grey ones. The day she’d met Lemon, both of them were taking place in a Pride March, and emboldened by Gigi and Crystal at her side, she’d raised her pickard from where she stood in the center of a crowd, and then she’d seen her. A head of golden blonde waves and her heart had all but flown into her throat, the way it curled over her shoulder, the exact shade of blonde that she’d ran her fingers through over the years. “ _Jan_..” the word was breathed out softly, her heart thundering in her ears before the blonde turns around and stares right at her, red lips curving into a beaming smile against almost brilliantly white teeth. It’s not Jan. Nothing even close to her. 

The girl is a similar height, and with the same golden hair but that’s where the similarities end. Where Jan was demure in sensible necklines and fussy dresses with neutral makeup if any? This woman is bold, brash, with eyes lined with dramatic cat winged liner sparkling with a turquoise fire. A placard is clutched in one hand the bold ‘GAY PRIDE’ lettering on her banner in stark, thick black capital letters giving her nowhere to hide. 

. Her hair is tousled and matted with sweat from the glaring sun, held back from her face with a golden headscarf securing it rather than the perfect curls Jackie was accustomed to, her lips are painted a bright shade of scarlet that stands out almost garishly against the pale skin of her complexion. Her eyes gaze back at Jackie’s in a silent competition raising an eyebrow before making her way over to Jackie extending a hand. “I’m Lemon, let me buy you a drink after this?” and with Crystal and Gigi nodding encouragingly, and a not so subtle thumbs up from Crystal? She’d said yes and as the day went on somewhere between Chelsea and Harlem; She’d allowed Lemon’s hands tipped with scarlet nail varnish that matches her lipstick to slip into her own, squeezing tightly, something Jackie thought would never happen. Holding a woman’s hand in broad daylight. It feels liberating and a weight that’s been sitting on her chest for far too long finally lifts up, disappearing into the air no longer buoyed down with the reminder of the small town she came from and the girl she’d loved in secret who she had left behind. 

Lemon had followed through with her offer, and Jackie insisted on buying the next round, followed by Lemon buying and so on and so forth, the steady back and forth continuing as they talked for hours downing Harvey Wallbangers in a dingy pub with a pride flag stuck to the wall surrounded by everyone of all orientations, and when Lemon’s lips seek hers out at the end of the night when the city and the alleyway they’re in are cloaked in darkness, pressing her against the rough brick of the wall? She melts into it easily; emboldened and uninhibited. “Come home with me” the words are breathed against Lemon’s neck as her lips press against the beating pulse she finds there tasting Charlie perfume, sweat and a hint of citrus from the tendrils of hair that tickle at her cheek, though what does surprise her? Is Lemon giving a breathy laugh and pulling her back into a deep kiss that leaves her breathless, nails scratching at her hips. “No, no Gorg, you’re coming home with _me_ ”

_**Meet me halfway** _

_**I want you to stay** _

_**Let's make it work again** _

_**And turn the page** _

Lemon was everything Jan wasn’t, and everything Jackie never knew she needed. Where Jan shied away from what she was? Lemon embraced it. She walked into Jackie’s life and immediately started carving out a niche for herself. She brought bags of tea leaves that they drank in the morning out of a pair of slightly lopsided mugs that Crystal made during her pottery phase, she brought candles that flickered on every available surface that permeated the air with the smell of patchouli that blended with the heady smell of sex that filled the room night after night. She brought books, and strange artwork she found at markets filled the walls, and she brought laughter. She laughed when kissing Jackie, openmouthed kisses that stained their faces crimson, over dinners of spaghetti because it’s the only thing Lemon knew how to cook, over shared joints that burnt their lips when smoked down too far. She was free, open, and sometimes Jackie felt like she could look at her forever. She made Jackie feel, and more often than not forget about the dark eyed girl in the barley fields. “I want you Jacqueline Cox”, the words were often spoken aloud, in between peppered kisses along Jackie’s collarbones, torso. Lemon made things easy. She said what she wanted and Jackie never had to guess how she was feeling, or how to gauge her next move. Lemon was proudly herself to the point that sometimes Jackie feared for her safety but that never bothered the blonde who threw the sheet of blonde hair over her shoulder and gave another dazzling smile. “You worry too much Gorg, Relax” though each time Lemon left the apartment? Jackie was always relieved when she came back in one piece, the key clicking in the lock and with another small gift in her hands.

_**Meet me halfway** _

_**I need you to stay** _

_**It's going to work out fine** _

_**It's never too late** _

_**I'll wait for you** _

Jackie finally tells Lemon about Jan after a year and half of whatever they are. Her hand traces along the alabaster plane of Lemon’s back where they’re lying there naked; skin still damp with sweat, Lemon’s hair that had been hastily piled onto her head coming loose. The moonlight filters in through the open window, with a faint glow from the streetlight down the road that makes Lemon look ethereal, her usually alert eyes soft and gazing at her fondly. Her hand meets Jackie’s as Jackie finally speaks about Jan. “I thought you were her at first” her voice barely goes above a whisper as she speaks the words tumbling over each other in a haste to get out. How she’d always loved Jan, their first kiss, the barley fields, how they’d made love, and how Jan was too scared to come out, about Alexander, the wedding and how Jackie had gone to Crystal and Gigi’s. How she’d had her heart broken and how she worried that she’d never feel whole again. She talks, and talks and talks while Lemon listens, her hand never leaving Jackie’s, only squeezing every now and again for support or to raise her other hand to wipe the tears that flow from Jackie’s eyes, dribbling down her cheeks unevenly. She lets Jackie talk until her voice hoarse and until the sun only just starts peeking through the still open window, bathing the room in a soft blush coloured glow as the city comes to life beneath them. “I’m not her Jackie” the words are breathed out softly as Lemon claims her lips over and over again. Working her way across dark nipples, her pink tongue coaxing them to cocoa coloured peaks, lips tracing across ribs, through the dark thatch of her pubic mound, and licking into her folds. “I’m not Jan” the words are spoken again until Jackie forgets all but the name of the girl between her thighs, moans filling the rose tinted air as Lemon’s fingers press into her thigh, her nails leaving crescent moon shaped marks that claim Jackie as _hers_. 

_**I know it's only been a while** _

_**But I already miss your smile** _

_**And how you used to hold me tight** _

When Lemon’s gone, Jackie realises how much she misses her, how much she needs her. “I’m not Jan”, Lemon’s words echo through her head and her stomach is gripped by pangs of guilt. She’s doing the one thing she swore she wouldn’t, putting her issues onto Lemon. Lemon has never been Jan, if anything she’s been the exact opposite. The only similarities they share is a mane of long golden hair. The apartment is empty, the colourful artwork on the walls mocking her. A copper kettle that whistles cheerfully on the gas stove that is somehow still clinging onto life despite sputtering each time she tries to turn it on. Somehow Lemon’s wiggled into her life and carved herself a place there, and now she’s gone? Jackie feels like part of her is missing. She switches on the tv, adjusting the antenna before staring at the grainy black and white footage until it fades to static and takes herself to bed. The bed is cold and she misses the way Lemon’s limbs tangle around her, or the way soft lips press against her cheek smelling of minty toothpaste before giving her a large toothy grin. “ _You’re not Jan_ ” Jackie finally speaks to the empty air. And Lemon isn’t. She’s so much more than that. “ _You’re not Jan_ ” but no-one is around to hear it but the still unnamed cat. 

  
  


_**'Cause you, I want to be with you** _

_**I want it to be true** _

_**I hope you want it too** _

_**I want to make it through** _  
  
  
Sometimes in the early days, Jackie wakes up before Lemon, her dreams still filled with chocolate coloured eyes, a body with almost sinful curves and a pair of ivory thighs that Jackie once thought she’d spend forever between, and her heart aches all over again. Jan was her first love, the one she would have spent forever chasing if given the go-ahead, she shifts slightly burrowing into the warmth of the girl wrapped around her giving a start at the lock of blonde hair that falls over her shoulder, and she’s taken back in time to another golden haired girl, the golden glow filling the room eerily reminiscent of the barley fields. Her eyes close and she inhales deeply as her mind tricks her into believing she can almost smell the faintly sweet scent of sunkissed grain, and the hint of lavender that always dotted Jan’s neck and wrists and that she’s back in Jan’s arms and her heart aches, a painful swelling in her chest and tears burn at her eyes, threatening to drop onto the olive green pillow case beneath her. “Jan..” the words are exhaled softly before the girl around her snuggles into her and presses a sleepy kiss to her shoulder filling her nostrils with the smell of citrus and Jackie’s reminded of who she’s with.

Jan’s not here in this apartment or this bed, she never was. Jackie has carved out a whole new life for herself now, and there’s no place for Jan in it. She has Lemon, beautiful brash Lemon. Who isn’t afraid to be herself, who runs down the street with a rainbow flag at any protest, march, pride festival, or really for any excuse she can. She has Lemon who dances on bars and throws back her head with loud braying laughter uncaring of the stares it brings. She has Lemon who kisses her by sunlight, moonlight, streetlight no matter where they are; smearing her ever present scarlet lipstick over them both and calls her a ‘fucking lesbian’ over mugs of strong tea, who takes up the little room Jackie already has on the bathroom sink with eyeliner, Charlie perfume, and half used tubes of lipstick and who brings home a cat one day because “you’ve never said no to pussy before’, and Jackie’s heart blooms again, like a flower reaching for the sun whose petals are slowly unfurling. She’s okay. She has Lemon. And for as long as Lemon will have her? She’ll have Jackie. 

_**Meet me halfway** _

_**I want you to stay** _

_**Let's make it work again** _

_**And turn the page** _

Crystal and Gigi love Lemon, and Jackie wishes she could say that she’s surprised. She fits in with them though she and Gigi do briefly butt heads at the start. But her intentions are pure and soon enough the four of them are spending time together in San Francisco. Lemon’s lanky limbs folded into one of the hanging egg chairs from the ceiling as she takes another hit from the joint between her fingers. Her usually bright eyes are soft from the smoke and she spins gently as tunes from the Beatles drift through the air from the record player in the corner.. “ _She loves you. Yeah, yeah yeah. She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah”_ and she looks like a stoner Goddess, all messy hair, legs that stretch from under her yellow jumpsuit, the curve of her small breasts as her nipples peek through the thin cotton since she’s gone sans bra, her still scarlet lips curving into a smile that is softer, more soulful than her usual toothy grin directed at Jackie, and like a fool Jackie smiles back before crawling across the floor to claim Lemon’s lips with her own.  
  


Their lips move against each other slowly and sensually, she feels dizzy, love drunk and she can’t get enough of the feeling. She barely notices it when Crystal adjusts the record to play the song again before she and Gigi disappear up the hallway, and she and Lemon fall onto a garish velvet sofa, their hands moving in unison, their fingers working in tandem and when Jackie comes? She comes with a soft gasp as her orgasm stretches on for what feels like forever, floating in a cloud of bliss before Lemon follows suit, the two of them lying on the couch fully clothed coming back up for air. “I like them Jackie” the words are soft and linger in the air between them like a cloud of fine talc, and in return Jackie presses a kiss to the crown of her head not sure what to say as the final chords of the song drift through the air “ _With a love like that you know should be glad”_

_**Meet me halfway** _

_**I need you to stay** _

_**It's going to work out fine** _

_**It's never too late** _

_**I'll wait for you** _

Crystal and Gigi come down for a march at the beginning of Spring, still as in love as the day they ran away and caught a bus to San Francisco, and they confront her about Lemon as they paint bold words on a placard. Gigi wrestling the glitter away from Crystal as she gets ready to dump it on the creation before compromising that she can put glitter on the ‘GAY’ written on the sign but nowhere else, and gets up to make them a pot of tea, though they’re quickly put aside when Crystal pulls out a bong and fires it up taking a large hit and passing it to Gigi who then hands it to Jackie, she takes a long pull from it, letting the burn hit the back of her throat for longer than necessary and blowing out a careful series of smoke rings. It’s passed around between the three of them until they’re all languid and lazy; lying on the floor in a haze of smoke before Crystal finally speaks. 

“You deserve her Jacks. You deserve to be loved. Jan might have loved you, but she’s in a prison of her own making. You don’t need to go there too. Not when there’s someone there offering you freedom”, Gigi nods in agreement, her coiffed blonde waves not even moving from the draft of the fan. “You need to let her go, Jacks. It’s time. You don’t have to stop loving Jan. I’m not saying that. She’s your first love, but there’s room for both the memory of Jan and Lemon there. But you can’t compare the two. Jan’s your past. Lemon can be your future. You love her, and she loves you too. Just fucking go for it. Don’t let her go. She’s waited long enough, it’s your move. Meet her halfway”, Jackie sits up, reaching for the bong and taking another hit before nodding blurry eyed, barely able to focus on anything. “I love her guys. I really fucking love her” and if she listens hard enough? She can hear the faint sound of ‘She Loves You’ coming from the apartment on the floor above. She loves her. She loves Lemon.

**_Meet me halfway_ **

**_I want you to stay_ **

**_It's going to work this time_ **

**_You know I'm waiting for you_ **

Lemon comes back to the apartment at Jackie’s insistence. She’d debated going to Lemon’s dwelling but it doesn’t feel right. They’ve made a home together in this apartment, the decorations and the furnishings a labor of their love. Their books nestled together in the carved bookshelf. The plants that drape across the rusty iron barrier of the nook they call a balcony. Where the key rack hangs in the lounge room with ‘Listen to Lesbians’ painted across it in curly script, a gift from Crystal who repainted it declaring she wouldn’t let any ‘Live Laugh Love’ be seen in Jackie’s house. The map of the United States with yellow pins dotting the places they’d been together. Her life is with Lemon, and she’s not sure how she got so blind that she couldn’t see it. She still might feel her chest tightening at the colour purple, and not like having it in the house, but she knows it’s something she doesn’t have to carry with her, and that the never ending ache in her chest has finally dissipated. She’s in love, almost madly so with a woman who loves her back. Who would go to the ends of the Earth and back for her. 

  
Jackie paces back and forth, sipping from the glass of chilled chablis that sits on the counter, until she hears the lock on the door click open and the gentle tap of Lemon’s footsteps only pausing to toe her shoes off as she makes her way into the lounge room. It’s 8 steps across to her, and Jackie counts each one before pulling her into a desperate kiss, hands coming up to fist in waves of blonde hair, drowning in the smell of perfume and citrus that wafts off her. “I love you. I love you. I love you” she repeats herself over and over again before Lemon laughs, pulling back, the turquoise eyes glossy with tears of happiness before choking out a ‘about time you fucking lesbian’ and nuzzling her nose against Jackie’s cheek, drawing another kiss out of her. “And I love you too by the way” her words are soft but no less confident than her screaming at any rally or march. _She loves her._

**Author's Note:**

> And here we go. Hope you guys liked it. Boneappleteefs and all that. You know the drill. Kudos and Comments are fab. <3


End file.
